tgif!!

i cannot believe Week 1 of Year 2 Sem 1 zoomed past just like that. slap me! wake me up! i'm still not used to this. i still wanna wake at 12nn daily. oh and it doesn't help that my timetable ain't that nice. and it's gonna get REAL busy this semester. what a sad case. SIGH~~~

ok. i'm aching now. all over. and i really mean it. from my gums, to my head, to my heart, to my tummy, and back to my head again. just really listless and no mood to do anything this week. a walking zombie. taking time to adjust to new stuff. finding time to mourn for stuff lost. coping with all the aches while jostling on the morning peak hour trains. having to wear uniform to lab today was a killer! the stares. the changing. the heat. the freedom to wear my own clothes... gone! thank goodness they no longer require us to do so. or else... ARGH~~~!!!!

yea yea. as you can see. i'm not feeling to well everywhere! bleah. hope this is just a passing phase and will not last.. will not affect my daily life in the future. i cant eat. i cant eat. i CANT EAT~!!!! munching on all the soft food like niang tou fu, and niang tou fu, and niang tou fu. really... the tou fu! i can't imagine the future... still upset. really upset. trying not to show it. trying to get over it. trying... really hard. but the tears still well up no matter how. it's not "don't think about it" and it would get better, ok? i also "don't (wanna) think about it" but it hurts! and when it hurts, i know it's gone! and when i eat, i also know it's gone! i get reminded at least 3 times a day. thanks thanks thanks.

anyone wants to donate generously to my fund? i don't want to use my mum's money anymore. i am a big girl now. i will solve my own problems. don't want to burden my mum too much. don't want to rely on here too much. i can't bear to see her sacrifice so much for me, give up so much for me! after all, i'm an adult! already 21! i should fend for myself. any kind souls willing to donate?

P.S. should i go and pester those who still owe me money? erm, the two ladies, i'm not referring to you both. you both know who you are. i'm referring to another set of two ladies... they've borrowed my money for like... 1 year and 2 years respectively? you know, i'm not that kind to go and ask people to return me my money. i can't bear to do it. i believe in integrity. but then, some people might be forgetful... and it's my money.. and i need the money.... how??? =((

oh! my mum's said i really xia dao! i knew i was traumatised. but i didn't know it was to THAT extent. that i grabbed my mum's hand when i entered. that i cried the moment i sat down. that i teared throughout the procedure. that my palms and feet were sweating... i hope such an experience will not happen to anyone ever. it's so bad! typing this just made me recall all the bad memories. whatever. i want to forget. i really do! but really, it keeps flashing back. the trauma. really... it's scary. very scary. terrified. horrified. petrified. i need to walk out of it... slowly... slowly...

don't worry! i wasn't raped (touch wood!). just... unpleasant things happened to me? yup! don't probe too much, yea? i will open up when i'm ready. and when i do, pls take extra good care of me. handle me with care. i'm fragile. don't trample on me. i will snap and hate you for doing so. you've been warned.

aja aja fighting!!!

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The cunning devil will come and try to pull us down from our faith in Almighty God. Our duty is to just praise God all the time. It is easy to praise God when victory has been won. It is easy to praise Him when you finally get a job after giving up all hope. It is easy to praise Him when you have recovered from an illness that doctors told you there was no cure for. It is easy to praise Him when all the debts that threatened to land you in prison have been cleared. But we are required to praise Him before victory has been achieved, because we should have the faith that He will grant us the victory.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 (New Living Translation)

yea! i will still praise God tomorrow, despite all that has happened to me! He won't let it happen for no reason! my little insufficient brain might not be able to comprehend it now. but i know, someday, i will! =) really taking tiny, baby steps now. help me, pls. i need it!